My mind wanders. Uncontrollably. Like Alice in Wonderland. It’s always chaos.
I try to do the breathing exercises. I get moments of relief. But, the next second I lose focus, my brain takes off. It’s like a bar of soap in the bathtub. I try so hard to take hold but it always slips out of my control.
Overthinking is my autopilot. I don’t notice I’m lost in my head. When I snap out of it sometimes I don’t realize how long it’s been. I end up at my destination after a drive or smell the chicken cooking with no memory of what I was just doing.
I feel like a zombie. I am not present. My body is a shell while my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of what could be, of what I need to do.
Sometimes I make lists of what I need to get done to try and take the burden off my mind. But, it only thinks about something else.
And then comes the worry. The nail biting, the lip biting, the never ending shaking legs, that weight in my chest that won’t leave, the feeling that I’m forgetting to do something.
I try very hard to maintain focus. For a second, for a minute, but before I know it I’m suffocating from the thoughts of some imaginary future.